I decided recently that I was totally sick of my Twitter profile picture. It’s been the same for years, and every time I see it I want to punch that “HEEEEYYYYYY” in the jaw to put it back where it belongs. I thought: I should try to take a picture or two with my mouth closed once in a while. So this morning I put on some lip gloss and opened PhotoBooth. 

Eck. Blrgh. Pfffft. I hate PhotoBooth with a passion. It’s nothing like a real photo booth, where the pictures come out smelling of photo chemicals and Latvian post offices, with the romantic black & white washed out tones of olden times.

What you see above: THIS is what photo booth pictures should look like. 

But what I want to go back and tell 18-year-old me is this: Close your mouth. The finger is not rebellious. You need to chill with the center part. Make your eyes wide, but not that wide, crazy girl. Follow these rules. And then, THEN maybe one day we might have a decent profile pic on the internet.

Even if it’s a pale imitation of what you once had.